Christmas Shopping and How to Survive It
A day off work has been booked, or a babysitter found for the children, and you have set your date for Christmas shopping. As you prepare yourself, you make a mental map of the shops you will visit and the best place to park the car. Humming your favorite carol you set out on your venture. Then the Christmas imps call in the gremlins and you are faced with...
The 12 Laws of Christmas Shopping
1. It's in the catalogue but not in the store and the alternative is much more expensive.
2. Every colour and every size but the one you want is in stock.
3. Your parcels are always twice as heavy and bulky than you expected.
4. There is always a senior citizen ahead of you in the queue who who is paying with a combination of gift vouchers and two-pence pieces.
5. Aforementioned senior citizen will always moan that Christmas isn't what it used to be.
6. The toddler in the pushchair behind you will throw its bottle and catch you just behind your knees.
7. There will always be a small child spreadeagled on the floor in exhaustion or mid-tantrum.
8. There is always one relative you forget, which means you have to rush out on Christmas Eve to grab something for them from the 24-hour garage.
9. One or more of your family or friends will have completed their shopping and wrapped their presents by the end of October.
10. At least one store will be playing 'I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday' and all the others will be playing 'Merry Christmas Everybody'.
11. You spend hours searching for just the right present for the person who rings you up two days before Christmas and says 'just make it a bottle this year, we're cutting back.'
12. Your partner will always say 'what or who have you bought that for?'
Survival Tips
These are not laws of nature and can, with a little ingenuity, be overcome.
• Shop earlier and by mail-order or online if necessary. Before you order, make sure you can be available to accept the delivery or that you have a friendly neighbour willing to do this for you. A trip to collect your parcel may be more traumatic than visiting the shop!
• Risk your street credibility and borrow your granny's tartan shopping trolley or look into the possibility of having your purchases delivered (see above). A lot of stores offer a 'carry to your car' service that can be invaluable - especially in the UK if it's combined with a 'lend an umbrella' scheme as well.
• Pick presents from stores very unlikely to be frequented by senior citizens and mothers of young children, such as Anne Summers, Games Workshop and your local Goth record shop. You could also time your trip for the day before pensions and family credit are payable. Shopping in the evening may be helpful; but beware the hordes of bored husbands trailing after their wives and clogging up all the decent bars.
• Make a list! If you do forget someone and have to visit the petrol station, don't just pick chocolate or bedraggled flowers. Grab a gift-bag and fill it with little sachets of windscreen wash and dashboard wipes, chewing gum and/or mints, air fresheners, a pen and notepad and a couple of coins for parking meters. For the non-motorist, why not try a gift-bag filled with paper hankies, menthol chewing gum, cold and flu remedy and cough sweets or hangover cures, earplugs and a sleep mask?
• Just smile sweetly at your super-efficient friend or relative and say, 'but you will have missed all the three-for-the-price-of-two offers, and the sales didn't start until November'.
• Earplugs are available from any high street chemist as a defence against random Slade and Wizzard songs.
• Keep the present you bought for the cheapskate and pay a visit to the local off-licence. Buy a bottle of the cheapest, roughest wine you can find (it serves them right).
• When your partner starts to criticise, throw yourself to the floor, spreadeagled, drum your feet against the nearest piece of furniture and scream 'that's it, next year you can do the shopping!!
Courtesy of BBC
The 12 Laws of Christmas Shopping
1. It's in the catalogue but not in the store and the alternative is much more expensive.
2. Every colour and every size but the one you want is in stock.
3. Your parcels are always twice as heavy and bulky than you expected.
4. There is always a senior citizen ahead of you in the queue who who is paying with a combination of gift vouchers and two-pence pieces.
5. Aforementioned senior citizen will always moan that Christmas isn't what it used to be.
6. The toddler in the pushchair behind you will throw its bottle and catch you just behind your knees.
7. There will always be a small child spreadeagled on the floor in exhaustion or mid-tantrum.
8. There is always one relative you forget, which means you have to rush out on Christmas Eve to grab something for them from the 24-hour garage.
9. One or more of your family or friends will have completed their shopping and wrapped their presents by the end of October.
10. At least one store will be playing 'I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday' and all the others will be playing 'Merry Christmas Everybody'.
11. You spend hours searching for just the right present for the person who rings you up two days before Christmas and says 'just make it a bottle this year, we're cutting back.'
12. Your partner will always say 'what or who have you bought that for?'
Survival Tips
These are not laws of nature and can, with a little ingenuity, be overcome.
• Shop earlier and by mail-order or online if necessary. Before you order, make sure you can be available to accept the delivery or that you have a friendly neighbour willing to do this for you. A trip to collect your parcel may be more traumatic than visiting the shop!
• Risk your street credibility and borrow your granny's tartan shopping trolley or look into the possibility of having your purchases delivered (see above). A lot of stores offer a 'carry to your car' service that can be invaluable - especially in the UK if it's combined with a 'lend an umbrella' scheme as well.
• Pick presents from stores very unlikely to be frequented by senior citizens and mothers of young children, such as Anne Summers, Games Workshop and your local Goth record shop. You could also time your trip for the day before pensions and family credit are payable. Shopping in the evening may be helpful; but beware the hordes of bored husbands trailing after their wives and clogging up all the decent bars.
• Make a list! If you do forget someone and have to visit the petrol station, don't just pick chocolate or bedraggled flowers. Grab a gift-bag and fill it with little sachets of windscreen wash and dashboard wipes, chewing gum and/or mints, air fresheners, a pen and notepad and a couple of coins for parking meters. For the non-motorist, why not try a gift-bag filled with paper hankies, menthol chewing gum, cold and flu remedy and cough sweets or hangover cures, earplugs and a sleep mask?
• Just smile sweetly at your super-efficient friend or relative and say, 'but you will have missed all the three-for-the-price-of-two offers, and the sales didn't start until November'.
• Earplugs are available from any high street chemist as a defence against random Slade and Wizzard songs.
• Keep the present you bought for the cheapskate and pay a visit to the local off-licence. Buy a bottle of the cheapest, roughest wine you can find (it serves them right).
• When your partner starts to criticise, throw yourself to the floor, spreadeagled, drum your feet against the nearest piece of furniture and scream 'that's it, next year you can do the shopping!!
Courtesy of BBC
posted by Lady_Marmalade at 5:34 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home